… must be manhandled by a veterinarian to get out.

This picture rules my face. Well, not the sides of my face where my ears are, because it actually made them kind of hurt, but the rest of my face was ruled. It’s the sort of photo that my friends and I would try to set up for fun, but would somehow end up not working out and turn out lame. Yet here it’s unintentionally perfect. You can’t plan pictures like these. They just happen.

Submitted by: Unknown

Some people feed each other cake when they get married; others shove long cake knives in their partner’s face. Either way, hella romantic. Just look at the expression on the bride’s face. She’s so happy! Her sweaty new husband has a special way of bringing out the best in her.

Related: Knife Wielding

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Please no white bathroom towels because the bride’s gigantic hooves tend to get very muddy after a long day in the country. Also, please don’t be alarmed if the bride nays loudly when she opens a gift that she particularly likes. It’s a compliment, really, not to mention a habit. You should have heard her the other night when the neighbors gave us a couples massage at the day spa. Her excitement could be heard for miles!

Related: One Stomp For ‘I Do’, Two Stomps For ‘I Don’t’ and I See London…

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Bride: Ooooh! That feels surprisingly good!
Groom: I look like a total nerd. And my pants are getting wrinkly.
Bride: Goodness! I don’t think I’ve felt a sensation like this before!
Groom: Oh really? You haven’t?
Bride: Er, I mean, yes, yes I have. With you. I was only kidding. Promise.

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Sing it with me now: Bride on the ground, bride on the ground, lookin’ like a fool with your tulle on the ground…

I feel bad for this bride. She’s just trying to please a photographer who insisted that she and her camo-ish-clad army of bridesmaids run toward the camera in a big open field. It goes to show that no matter how wide the space is, you can still trip and fall on your face if you’re wearing a floofy gown. I hope she at least took off her heels first. Put some ice on it, bride!

Kinda-Related: Your Guess Is As Good As Mine

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…I see France, I see somebody’s boring, lifeless, unsexy, maybe satin, possibly laundry day underpants! 

For realz, this is why women should consider a nice see-through/lace combo for their Special Day. Cuz shit like this happens when you’re on a horse, getting out of a car, walking down a flight of stairs or riding a see-saw.