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Submitted by: Umiko-Ueda via Submit Page
What can I say? This bride has charmed me with her little secret. Who wouldn’t want to rip off that garter with his teeth? Neon blue fishnets are dead sexay.
Submitted by: Cohort
The submitter says, “There was an ongoing joke amongst the bride, groom, and their cohorts involving skittles, windows, and crayons. This gave a whole new meaning to “Taste the Rainbow.”
Hm. Or maybe I should say, WTFkl4rjf;piqpxi2e?!! I don’t get it. A joke about skittles, windows and crayons sounds more like a riddle to me. A riddle I cannot figure out as it relates to the groom’s crotch. This picture is kinda freaky. Cohort, please do explain further in the comments!
Submitted by: Unknown
Is she on a stage? And if so, is this part of a performance piece or contest a la “Air Guitar Nation” that I don’t know about? ‘Cause I will totally check it out if that’s the case. Everybody knows chastity belts are a real b*tch to get off, so it only makes sense to turn the arduous process into a form of entertainment. I’ve never seen anything like it!
Submitted by: Unknown
The submitter says this divorce party came complete with “a giant cookie, souvenir glasses and specially-saved leftover wedding champagne.” Well, I can see that! But I have a few thoughts. First, no one is going to keep that souvenir glass. Just like folks didn’t keep the mini plastic jukeboxes my brother gave away in 1991 that said “Mike’s Bar Mitzvah,” no one wants to end a long day of work by drinking out of a friend’s crummy divorce glass (even though that marker will come off after about 400 washes, I once learned).
Second, the cookie cake is an interesting choice here. To me it says, “Screw it. I like cookie cake because it’s delicious, and you can KEEP YOUR STINKIN’ HOUSE BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN IT!” Which, on the one hand is awesome, but on the other seems a bit childish (kind of like the message written on the cake itself).
I guess my point is, if you’re going to throw a divorce party, stay classy. Keep it positive. This is a new chapter. Don’t make a PowerPoint slideshow of you and your ex so that you can point out all the cracks in your failed marriage. Don’t serve delicious cookie cake with an ugly message written in icing. Just move on. No one said getting married was a good idea, mmmkay?
Oh, and I endorse the drinking of leftover wedding champagne. That’s just a given!
“Well, we asked her not to marry that deadbeat John Patterson. We specifically said, if you marry that sorry, worthless, shiftless John Patterson then we will not smile in a single one of your wedding pictures! So, she shouldn’t be surprised. This is what happens when you cross family’s orders.”
Submitted by: Unknown
Take my dignity, take my sanity — hell, take the freakin’ house that I paid the down payment on after saving for at least four years — but DO NOT TAKE MY SAILBOAT. Take the money, the cat, the Emeril 20-piece pots-and-pans set…but the sailboat? No. Don’t even think about it. That’s just plain rude.
Submitted by: dunno source via Submit Page
I hope this is a rich-people-wedding, because nothing is sadder than knowing a couple has spent every single penny they have on their wedding. You know the types — the ones featured on Bridezillas where the bride is like, “I WANTED THE 42-TIER CAKE!!! AND AN ORCHESTRA!!” and the groom is all, “But baby, I only make $31,000 a year. How do you expect me to afford that?” and you just know they’re hardly going to last five years of marriage. So sad. And yet, incredibly entertaining. I’m amused by others’ blunders, what can I say?
 | Daniel on For Cake! |
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 | sarah on Not All Who Wander Are Lo… |
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